Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
