Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
