i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
