i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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