...so i touched it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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