two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
