Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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