i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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