I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
