Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
