She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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