I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
nutella sex= disaster
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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