i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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