rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
