next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
