So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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