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fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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