So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
