You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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