Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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