Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
