Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
