Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry my hands just texted you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
