That's intense
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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