There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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