Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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