Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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