My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
