I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
