The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
