We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
