I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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