is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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