Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think people are normalizing furries
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
