Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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