I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
