I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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