So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
