watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
