Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
