JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
