Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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