Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
