Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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