Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
