I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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