the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
