I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
