I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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