He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
