Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
