just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
