i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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