Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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