She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
