security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
