i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
