I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
