Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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