Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
