I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
