This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
