Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
