i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
