he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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