"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just gift wrapped bread.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
